So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
