You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
