i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
