Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
