a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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