wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
