after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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