I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
