so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
