he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
