Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
