I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
