I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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