piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
