Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
