I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
