I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
