He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
