Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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