Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
