I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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