You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
