He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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