I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
