We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize