so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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