I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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