Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
