You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
