It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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