I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
