but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
