FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He shit in the fireplace
Are these your boobs on my camera?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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