Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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