I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
