Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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