just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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