I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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