Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
