I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
