Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
