Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
