My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
