The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
