Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
