can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
