I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
