Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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