Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
