who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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