She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
