she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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