In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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