Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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