oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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