Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
