every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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