Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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