dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
