What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
