I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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