im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will be naked everywhere
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
