So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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