i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
