jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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