One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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