he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drake has all the answers
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
