One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
