The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
