God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
